 |
| Afterlife I and II 20x20 each mixed on canvas |
After the Fall, season and Wall Street, of '08, Hollywood delayed my collapse until 2012. I staged a brief
period of success repositioning Reel Art Detroit and enjoyed several large
commissions for abstract paintings. That was 2014. And the End. It became clear
last Spring I was not going to return to pre-2008 income levels. Saddled with
an uncomfortable debt load, partly due to launching RAD only to have the
industry removed a mere 8 months later, I decided to stop deluding myself and
call it. By early December, it was over. The business was closed and the debt
removed.
The Universe gave me the opportunity to tear the veil off
another fantasy. A boy who truly loves me, was once my lover, but never will be
again. I'd been hanging on to that one for a while, too. It turns out 2016 was
the Great Housecleaning. Reality can be rather harsh. Although everything that
was stripped away was negative, it still created a profound sense of loss. I'm
leveling off enough now to notice the vacancy. The Universe abhors a vacuum, so
I'm waiting to see what fills in.
While I wait, I did some actual
housecleaning and stumbled across all the evidence of my "other"
career. For a fabulous 17 year run, I worked with Interior Designers. Faux
treatments, murals, hand-painted embellishments. Whatever they needed. I made a
pile of money. I bought a house, went to Europe
a couple times, started an IRA. It's over. Gone. There isn't much call for faux
these days and when there is, housepainters learned how to do it and siphoned
off my business. I'm teaching, writing, some front end tech work. I've been
making and selling a few paintings. These 2 pieces aren't the greatest, but
they are cathartic. Using archival materials from jobs long gone, collaged then
obliterated, I'm putting the final nail in that coffin.
Feels very strange to experience so much blank space. What
to do with it? I'm resisting my compulsion to push myself, mostly motivated by
financial fear. The Universe is providing enough.
I have the chance to breathe for a moment. February's bizarrely warm weather
allowed for a hike in the woods yesterday. Went with some good people. Ate a
spectacular meal after. I'm supremely grateful I have the capacity to change
and adapt. Can't go back. It's why the windshield is so much bigger than the
rear view mirror. It's an open road. Roll down the windows and crank the
stereo. It's a gorgeous day.
*both paintings are currently at Galerie Camille. I'm clearing the decks so these are ready to move.
